REFLECT: The Week I Had to Grieve My Old Friendships (While They Were Still Alive)
"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong."
— Mandy Hale
The Loneliness No One Talks About
Nobody really prepares you for the grief that comes with growth. Not just the letting go of old habits, but the letting go of old connections, old ways of working, even while they’re still alive and right in front of you.
It’s that strange grey zone where you don’t quite fit into your old world anymore, but you’re not fully rooted in your new one either. In between, you’ve not fully transitioned to the new version of you, you're not even sure what this fully looks like. All you know is that you can no longer stay the same.
You know the feeling: sitting at a table with people you’ve known for years, yet feeling like a stranger. The conversations loop back to who you were, not who you’re becoming. And the silence that follows when you share a win that doesn’t fit the old script? That silence is deafening. Surrounded by people, yet feeling lonelier than ever.
This is the loneliness nobody warns you about. The ache of realising that sometimes the people who once knew you best can’t meet you where you are now. And yes, it hurts. It feels like betrayal, like abandonment, like maybe you’re the problem for changing. But here’s the truth: you are not responsible for staying small so others can stay comfortable.
Loneliness in the in-between isn’t failure. It’s a passage. A sign you’re expanding beyond the spaces that once held you, beyond the comfort blanket that would have kept you stuck if you let it.
Sometimes love looks like letting go. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is honour the ache, walk through the grey, and trust that new connections, ones that match who you are now, will rise up to meet you.
RISE: Your Weekly Glow-Up Check-In
This week's energy: Surround yourself with people who challenge, inspire, and support you and your dreams.
Your 3-step challenge:
Audit your inner circle. Who celebrates your wins? Who makes you feel like you need to dim your light? Who would you call with good news vs. bad news?
Practice this boundary: "I love you, and I love who I'm becoming more." You don't owe anyone an explanation for your growth.
Remind yourself daily: "Community is important, only if it brings me joy. I choose connections that nourish my soul, not drain it."
Hard truth moment: What friendships are you holding onto out of loyalty to who you used to be, rather than who you're becoming?
REAL TALK:
Ellen Langer says labels do us no favours, and the label "loyal friend" can become a prison when it means staying small for other people's comfort. You can decide who you want to be. And part of that decision includes deciding who gets to be close to that version of you.
This isn't about becoming a mean girl or cutting people off cruelly. This is about honouring that you always have a choice in how much energy you give to relationships that no longer serve your highest good.
Values are your internal compass; without them, you have nothing. And if one of your values is growth, authenticity, and living your truth, then surrounding yourself with people who resist those things is living out of alignment.
Journal on this: What would your social life look like if you prioritised quality over history? If you chose connections based on who you are now, not who you were then?
Because here's what I know: If you're not growing, you're dying. And sometimes relationships die too, even when there's still love there.
GLOW-DOWN: Choosing Yourself
The beautiful plot twist in this whole story? When you stop clinging to relationships that drain you, you create space for ones that fill you up.
I found my people in the most unexpected places. In sober communities, in personal development spaces, in coaching programmes, at the gym, in bookshops, through work connections. People who didn't know the old me, who only knew the me I was becoming.
People who celebrated my 5am workouts instead of rolling their eyes. Who asked about my goals instead of my weekend plans. Who understood that "having fun" didn't require losing yourself in the process.
Building new friendships as an adult is terrifying. It's vulnerable. It requires you to show up as yourself, not the person you think people want you to be.
In my coaching, we talk about this a lot, how to navigate the friendship shift, how to build boundaries with love, how to find your tribe when you're becoming someone new. Because choosing yourself is the most powerful and beautiful thing you can do, even when it feels lonely at first.
The waitlist is open for huamsn ready to build a life surrounded by people who see their potential, not just their past.
Join the waitlist here if you're ready to curate connections that match your energy, not your old identity.
REMEMBER THIS:
There are no such things as regrets, only lessons. Those old friendships taught you what you value in relationships now.
It's okay to be different. In fact, it's necessary if you want to grow.
Don't believe everything you think including the thought that you're being selfish for wanting friendships that celebrate your growth.
Fill your own cup before you fill other people's cups. You can't pour from an empty vessel, and you can't maintain friendships from an empty heart.
Boundaries are healthy. Especially the boundary of not explaining your growth to people who benefit from your smallness.
If you've been feeling lonely in your growth, you're not alone. If you've been questioning whether you're being too picky about friendships, you're not. If you've been grieving relationships with people who are still alive, that grief is valid.
Your growth is not a betrayal of your past self or your old friendships. It's a gift to your future.
The right people will love you for who you're becoming, not who you used to be. And until you find them, loving yourself is enough.
Keep growing, even when it's lonely. Especially when it's lonely.
💋 Your Sober Hype Girl
